My Neighbors Are Assholes

Last night I went door to door for some ingredients I had forgotten, as I do most nights that I cook, but this time not one single neighbor answered their door. Even the apartments that I was 100% positive that somebody was home at, no one answered. Finally, I climbed over my first floor neighbor’s patio fence and knocked on her patio door. YOU CAN’T IGNORE ME NOW, SUCKERS. I SEE YOU AND I KNOW YOU SEE ME.

 

After she threatened to call the cops, shut the blinds in my face and locked the door, I started to get the idea that maybe, although it certainly seems unlikely, my neighbors didn’t like me?

The problem is, I truly can’t think of a single reason why. I deliver them cookies during the holidays and I always smile and wave when I see them? I bet it’s Riley. She has been known to jump on a few of my neighbor’s car hoods but it was out of pure excitement, throw the girl a bone ya know? Sorry that she was happy to see you. Other than that, I’ve got nothing though.

Except I have had a few complaints on my driving in the complex. Apparently, one is supposed to “slow down” over the speed bumps and I get that; I go 30 MPH which is a whole lot slower than I was going on the highway.  Also, I have been ratted out a time or two for entering through the “exit” gate and vice versa but surely those aren’t deal breakers.

Have I ever leaned on a neighbor in a time of need? Sure, but I don’t think I was over stepping any boundaries there. I simply asked that they fix my car and when they couldn’t achieve it, if I could borrow theirs. A simple loan between neighbors isn’t too much to ask and the damage to the car after I returned it was minimal at best.

With all of the things I do for this neighborhood; all that smiling and that all that waving, I have to say that I am surprised. I feel like I am being grossly mistreated here and I certainly hope they aren’t looking forward to my holiday cookies made with their ingredients this year.

I'm not sure how I will ever get over the abuse but I think I have one idea...

Happy work week, my friends.